The Non-ride

I was recently getting some advice from Kurt Vonnegut about writing, and this is what he told me.


1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.


2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.


3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.


4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.


5. Start as close to the end as possible.


6. Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.


7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.


8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.


Technically this is what I read that he said at some time in the distant past, and I found via the powers of Google.  Although given that in his novels he wasn't all that interested in linearity or the sense of time flowing, I not sure he would complain about my misrepresentation.

Hopefully his advice will improve the blog vastly from here on out. With his advice in mind.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.
For the first time in the recent memory the Wednesday night ride and drinking was aborted.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To hell with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.
With so many people tapering for the Como Tri or the Butte 50, and others recovering from Sun Valley and the rest afflicted by the doldrums of the dog days of summer, only two of  us managed to get to the trailhead to ride.  One more came 45 minutes late, but we had already bagged the idea of riding by then, and we were hauling our arises back to town.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.
Me. It was my birthday.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.
I wanted to get laid, but this isn't a fantasy.
Would a pleasant bike ride with friends to Two Good Cabin be too much to ask for?

6. Be a Sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them—in order that the reader may see what they are made of.
My rear tire was flat when we unloaded it from the bike rack at Warm Springs campground.  I guess leaving your bike in the back of the truck after riding Blodgett is not the best plan.  Fixed the flat without trouble.  After getting the wheel back on, the rear brake was dead.  Pumped it some without success.  Gave up, tucked my tail between my legs and scampered back to the Barn.  I had carpooled with Joel, so I dragged him back too.  Chad pumped the brake for a minute and brought it back to life.  I guess Chad is a much more experienced hand pumper than me. Maybe you should root for him instead.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things—reveal character or advance the action.
No action this week, so I guess we need to reveal some character.  There is a saying on Wednesday nights that if you are going to be stupid, you better her strong.  I have plenty of the first and not enough of the second.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.
For that cute girl from Boise who winked at me on Match.com and had your profile pulled before I could send you my SSN, address, and bank routing number.

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.
My apologies. I'm afraid I'm no Vonnegut.